So that last blog post was what happened mostly Before God came into my life, but this will delve a bit deeper into what my life is and has been like over the past two years that I have been a Christian.
Ok so after Primal Getaway was interesting. The road trip home, I carried a sense of peace and joy that I hadn't really experienced before. Among all this, I questioned what I was doing with my life. I questioned whether I should carry on with my hairdressing course or not, I wasn't sure where my life was going in terms of living/job etc. I resolved to start the "Bible in a year" and wanted to be with all the Primal/Church people 24/7. I felt as if I was renewed, like I had a second chance at life.
So before I go more into the recent past/present/future I should give you more info on my past, yeah!
2007-2008
So I used to go to parties, because in Cheviot there really wasn't a lot to do, or so I thought. I felt like I couldn't have a good time without drinking so drinking is what I did. I'm not saying I did it all the time or get incredibly wrecked but what I am saying is that my motives for doing it were because I felt like I couldn't enjoy myself without it. There was a time where I mixed the drinks I was consuming and became unconscious and began to be sick, all because drinking was what everyone was doing and I didn't think I could have fun without it!
There was another time when I was at a club with my friends and I was so nervous about hanging out with a certain guy that I drunk a lot and made a general fool of myself and got removed from the club because my behaviour was out of line, all because I relied so much on what other people thought!
I tried marijuana several times because I thought it would help me to have more fun.
I had a sexual relationship with a guy because I didn't think he would like me otherwise and I didn't know any better.
I based my social life on what others thought. My life was revolved around living for the sake of fun and not much else.
I felt empty and hollow inside. I knew there was a void but did not realise what it was.
I didn't know what real love was and put my trust in meaningless flings.
This was my life and it was not life abundant.
I constantly felt inferior to others, and wanted a life that was more "meaningful". The problem was that before 2008 I did not know there is a God who cares for me and loves me very very much, so much that he sent his one and only son Jesus to be crucified on the cross..
Why God is good....All the time.
The moment I got a touch of the Holy Spirit my previously cracked and broken heart began to mend together again. I was filled with His peace and mercy immediately. Life looked new, the sky was brighter, the sun glistened like it never had before!
A very powerful thing that has happened to me after meeting Jesus is my wanting to help and serve others.
Prior to becoming a Christian, I was incredibly self centred. I focussed on myself and myself only. I had no desire to help others.
But now, I love to serve! I has become an integral part of my life. I look forward to helping out with whatever I can at C3 and Primal. It gives me a great and powerful sense of joy to be able to assist people.
My very favourite duty in the church would be playing guitar on thursdays with the Primal group. I once heard a friend and fellow C3 attendee and guitarist say to someone: "It's awesome being able to serve doing the thing you love."
That statement sums it up completely for me! It is a great and joyous time to be able to worship the Lord our God!
My inward thinking, shyness and such as gotten not so bad.
Due to my past, I was always recognised as the "quiet kid". God has given me a sense of enthusiasm and maybe even humour! I am now beginning to be restored to the person I was meant to be, rather than a shadow of myself.
I no longer worry as much.
God doesn't like us as his children to worry about anything, and this is backed by scripture:
"For God didn't give you a spirit of fear, but of sound mind"
(paraphrased)
"Rejoice in the Lord always! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything but in petition and prayer present your requests to God."
Philippians 4 - 4:8
I know that God has a great plan, no an amazing plan for us all and if we follow him we will definitely see the results!
I feel more joyful.
Sometimes when I am walking to uni or doing my paper round I will simply beam with joy, just because I can! This never used to happen but lately it seems to be happening heaps and I praise God for that. I live in the moment a lot more, and am trying not to fret about the future or things that are out of my control.
So there you have it.
I still have a long way to go, but God is faithful to complete a work that He has begun!
If you have any questions feel free to ask!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Testimony
Disclaimer:
This testimony begins sadly, but I promise you it ends happily! That's all due to the mighty hand of God.
My Testimony
The Dark Times -
I was born into a world where the idea of hope was not always necessarily apparent. A loving family struggling to survive financially and filled with turmoil was the basis of my existence. Conflict was the bane of my parent’s lives. A particular moment that stood out for me was going into my parent’s room to see my Mum on the bed, eyes closed. Afraid for her life, I attempted to pry her eyes open. My five year old self was relieved to see she was ok, merely sleeping off the affects of too much alcohol. Living a life scattered with events such as these was bound to have somewhat of an adverse affect on my psyche eventually.
However! It was not all bad. My parents loved myself and my older brother very much. They have always been there for me through thick and thin. Though we were close, we did not have the “idyllic” family that is sometimes represented on television shows, with Sunday dinners and the like. Because I was rather sheltered (or so I thought) I did not realise that the idyllic family I saw every day on the tv was not at all common, and in fact quite rare. My Dad’s side of the family lived in Australia so becoming close with my grandparents was an effort done in vain. My Mum had a tumultuous relationship with her parents and sisters, that would later end in our family completely estranging ourselves from her family, due to goings on from my Mum’s past that are too awful to be named. This left a huge sense of grief and sadness in all our hearts during the period when this was discovered, about nine years ago. My Mum was bitter and traumatised for a very long time after this.
“Walking on eggshells” is how I would best describe the years from when I was twelve to sixteen. My parents would argue long into the hours of the morning, which would sometimes end in violence and the occasional visit from the police. I would show up to school tired and emotionally scarred from hearing the screams and the abusive words that would reverberate from my parent’s mouths. What could have been a sanctuary at school was definitely not. I didn’t have any particular aspirations or talents at this time, I didn’t put my all into school work and had no desire to be there. An incident at preschool when I was three years old left me a very shy, nervous person. I felt that there was no hope for a person such as myself. My best friend did more bad for me than good and I longed to fit in with the “cool kids”.
A New Hope -
Turning thirteen held a ray of sunshine for me and a spark of hope. It was compulsory to take music class, and at this I held a great passion for. I came home from school and persuaded my parents to let me get a guitar. Having played guitar himself in addition to my Mum having a desire to learn a musical instrument, he understood that this was an ambition that must be served. So my parents organised for me to hire an old nylon stringed acoustic guitar. This became my “baby” and I cherished it. The first song I attempted to learn was the one of Pink Floyd’s The Wall, the instrumental part. My Dad later admitted that he didn’t expect me to get very far with playing guitar, mainly due to my left handedness and the clumsy, awkward way I held the instrument. To his surprise and mine, I soon picked up the art of playing the guitar. This led to a perserverence I had never witnessed within myself before. I actually saw myself becoming something! Our school music class started a “band” of sorts, with our music teachers being lead guitarist and bassist. This gave a great joy to my life as I discovered the thrill of playing music in front of a crowd. One of the “cool kids” even grudgingly said “you’re pretty good.” I carried this comment with me for a long time.
School became more tolerable and even enjoyable at times at the beginning of year nine with the arrival of a British English teacher and a new girl in my class called Nicole. She soon declared that: “ I think you’re my best friend.” To this I was stoked with having the notion of a friend and life became much better. My new English teacher arrived also and she had a great passion for literature, and genuinely cared about our welfare as her students. She would take a group of us to the movies an hour and a half away, which was very exciting, as in the small town of Cheviot there is not a lot except 500 people and a supermarket in addition to a pub. This entertainment helped me to realise there was in fact a world out there.
It wasn’t all sunshine and happiness however, my new found best friend moved to Dunedin and I was devastated. The sudden nature of her leaving, that is, no notice at all, left me feeling alone and desolate. I was seen as a loner, I didn’t wish to interact with anyone.
The good news was that my parent’s lives appeared to be improving, you could say that the cracks were healing. There was a hope about them, they possessed a fragment of happiness in their lives.
Fast forward to 2008 and I am living in a flat for the first time, attending a hairdressing course with girls who were ahem, interesting and getting by on a student allowance.
I had been corresponding online on Bebo with a very good friend named Rachel. She was going through some difficult times and wanted my advice. She was also a support to me, helping me to do the right things and such.
One day while I was staying in Cheviot with my family I received a text from Rachel which to be honest scared me slightly. Not the content of the text, but one word that was in it. My friend whom I loved dearly was calling herself a Christian. I didn’t know what to say, I was scared, scared that my friend would change dramatically and never be the Rachel I knew again. I spoke with my parents, their opinion of Christianity was similar to my viewpoint at this stage, not good. “You wont do that will you Gemma?” my Dad said with a hint of apprehension in his voice. “No, no, of course not! Who would do such a thing?!” I replied.
What I didn’t know at this time is that Rachel would persevere with trying to get me to come to C3, the church she had joined. She would casually ask if I would like to go to Primal with her and I would casually decline, fobbing her off with an excuse such as “Oh sorry I’m really tired” Or “No I can’t sorry I have work then” To her great credit one night while I was staying over at her house while listening to some great tunes, she once again invited me to come to C3 the next day. Seeing as I was staying at her house anyway and had nothing to do on a Sunday, I threw caution to the wind and agreed. To be honest I was kind of excited about it!
A New Life –
I rose early along with Rachel and we waited at the bus stop to go to church. To say I was nervous was partly a lie, I was petrified. What would my parents think of this? We arrived at 9am because Rachel was on café duties that morning. She said: “There’ll be music!” I didn’t realise that she meant worship music, which I would later grow to love and thirst for. It was a Fathers day service and I would later say to Rachel that I thought it was extremely biased towards males, not realising that as a fathers day, that was a one off. We stood amongst the congregation, myself not knowing what to do, everybody else had their hands raised in worship and were singing. I stared at the projector screen, not knowing what to do. I certainly did not want to sing, or raise my hands. That left me standing there awkwardly.
I texted my parents to wish Dad a happy fathers day and said: “I don’t know how you guys are going to feel about this, but I went to church.” My Dad replied with: “Oh, you been converted yet?”
My world had been shaken up, turned upside down and I didn’t even know it yet….
After going to Primal and C3 a few more times I began to develop an appreciation for it, look forward to it even.
Life went on as normal for the time being – hairdressing school, work at the call centre and living with a new flat.
Here is the funny part, I was living in a flat with Christians and didn’t even know it yet!
Soon after this, in mid November, my Mum told me she had to go get a brain scan. I was frightened and held back tears as put on a brave face. When I went to visit them, they also were fearing the worst. Thoughts raced around my mind. What if Mum has cancer? What if it’s terminal? While spending time with her in Cheviot I tried to be optimistic and said to Mum: “It might be nothing!” But her reply filled me with dread: “My left hand is losing strength, it’s getting weaker all the time.” The left side of her face and body also were numb. On my birthday, I went back home, and the next morning I developed a ritual of praying for my mum on the bus to course. I would do this religiously and depended on it with all my might.
I was filled with hope, but the doubt was also there in the back of my mind.
About two weeks later after much nervous waiting, my Mum gave me some excellent news, the scan didn’t reveal anything! She was going to be ok! I revelled in this news and felt extremely glad.
Little did I know, God was about to come into my life in a massive way.
Rachel had spoken of the greatness that was Primal Getaway and how awesome it was going to be. I decided, yes, the surf sun and fun sounds amazing and I will come.
The road trip to the Coramandel was interesting, in a van with people I had only known for a few months, I was in awe of everyone and everything.
At one of the meetings, which in a nutshell was like a church service for young people, Steve Burgess, our pastor said: “Who’s hungry for more?” Yes I sure am! I thought to myself. We all stood to get a touch of the Holy Spirit. Another pastor Brendan Hall circulated around all the people and touched their heads and forcefully said: “fall!” When he got to me he did the same but I wouldn’t budge, mainly due to a lack of trust in God, so I continued to stand. The second time he got to me he said: “Fall, fall, fall!!” and so I did, because I wanted the Holy Spirit to come on me.
Once I hit the ground, I lay there for a bit but then something remarkable happened. I began to shed tears. I did this for about half and hour and while I did I had such a great feeling of peace. I was renewed, I was cleansed, I was forgiven!
That was the moment I first let God into my life and I have never been the same. I now feel love and compassion for people as well as myself and it is no longer “all about me”.
I definitely beleive that God is real!
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future – Jeremiah 29.11
God took a girl who felt utterly lost and hopeless and gave her a joy, a passion for living and for others.
He gave me a hope, and a reason to live.
This testimony begins sadly, but I promise you it ends happily! That's all due to the mighty hand of God.
My Testimony
The Dark Times -
I was born into a world where the idea of hope was not always necessarily apparent. A loving family struggling to survive financially and filled with turmoil was the basis of my existence. Conflict was the bane of my parent’s lives. A particular moment that stood out for me was going into my parent’s room to see my Mum on the bed, eyes closed. Afraid for her life, I attempted to pry her eyes open. My five year old self was relieved to see she was ok, merely sleeping off the affects of too much alcohol. Living a life scattered with events such as these was bound to have somewhat of an adverse affect on my psyche eventually.
However! It was not all bad. My parents loved myself and my older brother very much. They have always been there for me through thick and thin. Though we were close, we did not have the “idyllic” family that is sometimes represented on television shows, with Sunday dinners and the like. Because I was rather sheltered (or so I thought) I did not realise that the idyllic family I saw every day on the tv was not at all common, and in fact quite rare. My Dad’s side of the family lived in Australia so becoming close with my grandparents was an effort done in vain. My Mum had a tumultuous relationship with her parents and sisters, that would later end in our family completely estranging ourselves from her family, due to goings on from my Mum’s past that are too awful to be named. This left a huge sense of grief and sadness in all our hearts during the period when this was discovered, about nine years ago. My Mum was bitter and traumatised for a very long time after this.
“Walking on eggshells” is how I would best describe the years from when I was twelve to sixteen. My parents would argue long into the hours of the morning, which would sometimes end in violence and the occasional visit from the police. I would show up to school tired and emotionally scarred from hearing the screams and the abusive words that would reverberate from my parent’s mouths. What could have been a sanctuary at school was definitely not. I didn’t have any particular aspirations or talents at this time, I didn’t put my all into school work and had no desire to be there. An incident at preschool when I was three years old left me a very shy, nervous person. I felt that there was no hope for a person such as myself. My best friend did more bad for me than good and I longed to fit in with the “cool kids”.
A New Hope -
Turning thirteen held a ray of sunshine for me and a spark of hope. It was compulsory to take music class, and at this I held a great passion for. I came home from school and persuaded my parents to let me get a guitar. Having played guitar himself in addition to my Mum having a desire to learn a musical instrument, he understood that this was an ambition that must be served. So my parents organised for me to hire an old nylon stringed acoustic guitar. This became my “baby” and I cherished it. The first song I attempted to learn was the one of Pink Floyd’s The Wall, the instrumental part. My Dad later admitted that he didn’t expect me to get very far with playing guitar, mainly due to my left handedness and the clumsy, awkward way I held the instrument. To his surprise and mine, I soon picked up the art of playing the guitar. This led to a perserverence I had never witnessed within myself before. I actually saw myself becoming something! Our school music class started a “band” of sorts, with our music teachers being lead guitarist and bassist. This gave a great joy to my life as I discovered the thrill of playing music in front of a crowd. One of the “cool kids” even grudgingly said “you’re pretty good.” I carried this comment with me for a long time.
School became more tolerable and even enjoyable at times at the beginning of year nine with the arrival of a British English teacher and a new girl in my class called Nicole. She soon declared that: “ I think you’re my best friend.” To this I was stoked with having the notion of a friend and life became much better. My new English teacher arrived also and she had a great passion for literature, and genuinely cared about our welfare as her students. She would take a group of us to the movies an hour and a half away, which was very exciting, as in the small town of Cheviot there is not a lot except 500 people and a supermarket in addition to a pub. This entertainment helped me to realise there was in fact a world out there.
It wasn’t all sunshine and happiness however, my new found best friend moved to Dunedin and I was devastated. The sudden nature of her leaving, that is, no notice at all, left me feeling alone and desolate. I was seen as a loner, I didn’t wish to interact with anyone.
The good news was that my parent’s lives appeared to be improving, you could say that the cracks were healing. There was a hope about them, they possessed a fragment of happiness in their lives.
Fast forward to 2008 and I am living in a flat for the first time, attending a hairdressing course with girls who were ahem, interesting and getting by on a student allowance.
I had been corresponding online on Bebo with a very good friend named Rachel. She was going through some difficult times and wanted my advice. She was also a support to me, helping me to do the right things and such.
One day while I was staying in Cheviot with my family I received a text from Rachel which to be honest scared me slightly. Not the content of the text, but one word that was in it. My friend whom I loved dearly was calling herself a Christian. I didn’t know what to say, I was scared, scared that my friend would change dramatically and never be the Rachel I knew again. I spoke with my parents, their opinion of Christianity was similar to my viewpoint at this stage, not good. “You wont do that will you Gemma?” my Dad said with a hint of apprehension in his voice. “No, no, of course not! Who would do such a thing?!” I replied.
What I didn’t know at this time is that Rachel would persevere with trying to get me to come to C3, the church she had joined. She would casually ask if I would like to go to Primal with her and I would casually decline, fobbing her off with an excuse such as “Oh sorry I’m really tired” Or “No I can’t sorry I have work then” To her great credit one night while I was staying over at her house while listening to some great tunes, she once again invited me to come to C3 the next day. Seeing as I was staying at her house anyway and had nothing to do on a Sunday, I threw caution to the wind and agreed. To be honest I was kind of excited about it!
A New Life –
I rose early along with Rachel and we waited at the bus stop to go to church. To say I was nervous was partly a lie, I was petrified. What would my parents think of this? We arrived at 9am because Rachel was on café duties that morning. She said: “There’ll be music!” I didn’t realise that she meant worship music, which I would later grow to love and thirst for. It was a Fathers day service and I would later say to Rachel that I thought it was extremely biased towards males, not realising that as a fathers day, that was a one off. We stood amongst the congregation, myself not knowing what to do, everybody else had their hands raised in worship and were singing. I stared at the projector screen, not knowing what to do. I certainly did not want to sing, or raise my hands. That left me standing there awkwardly.
I texted my parents to wish Dad a happy fathers day and said: “I don’t know how you guys are going to feel about this, but I went to church.” My Dad replied with: “Oh, you been converted yet?”
My world had been shaken up, turned upside down and I didn’t even know it yet….
After going to Primal and C3 a few more times I began to develop an appreciation for it, look forward to it even.
Life went on as normal for the time being – hairdressing school, work at the call centre and living with a new flat.
Here is the funny part, I was living in a flat with Christians and didn’t even know it yet!
Soon after this, in mid November, my Mum told me she had to go get a brain scan. I was frightened and held back tears as put on a brave face. When I went to visit them, they also were fearing the worst. Thoughts raced around my mind. What if Mum has cancer? What if it’s terminal? While spending time with her in Cheviot I tried to be optimistic and said to Mum: “It might be nothing!” But her reply filled me with dread: “My left hand is losing strength, it’s getting weaker all the time.” The left side of her face and body also were numb. On my birthday, I went back home, and the next morning I developed a ritual of praying for my mum on the bus to course. I would do this religiously and depended on it with all my might.
I was filled with hope, but the doubt was also there in the back of my mind.
About two weeks later after much nervous waiting, my Mum gave me some excellent news, the scan didn’t reveal anything! She was going to be ok! I revelled in this news and felt extremely glad.
Little did I know, God was about to come into my life in a massive way.
Rachel had spoken of the greatness that was Primal Getaway and how awesome it was going to be. I decided, yes, the surf sun and fun sounds amazing and I will come.
The road trip to the Coramandel was interesting, in a van with people I had only known for a few months, I was in awe of everyone and everything.
At one of the meetings, which in a nutshell was like a church service for young people, Steve Burgess, our pastor said: “Who’s hungry for more?” Yes I sure am! I thought to myself. We all stood to get a touch of the Holy Spirit. Another pastor Brendan Hall circulated around all the people and touched their heads and forcefully said: “fall!” When he got to me he did the same but I wouldn’t budge, mainly due to a lack of trust in God, so I continued to stand. The second time he got to me he said: “Fall, fall, fall!!” and so I did, because I wanted the Holy Spirit to come on me.
Once I hit the ground, I lay there for a bit but then something remarkable happened. I began to shed tears. I did this for about half and hour and while I did I had such a great feeling of peace. I was renewed, I was cleansed, I was forgiven!
That was the moment I first let God into my life and I have never been the same. I now feel love and compassion for people as well as myself and it is no longer “all about me”.
I definitely beleive that God is real!
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future – Jeremiah 29.11
God took a girl who felt utterly lost and hopeless and gave her a joy, a passion for living and for others.
He gave me a hope, and a reason to live.
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